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"How
to order a Steak"
by I. M. Hungry |
Step 1
Specify if you want your steak with (wit) or without (wit-out)
onions.
(If you're not a rookie this should come naturally) |
Step 2
Specify Plain, Cheez Whiz, Provolone, American Cheese or a Pizza Steak
(We have lettuce and tomatoes) / (If we have to read your mind it's 50 cents extra) |
Step 3
Have your money ready.
(Do all of your borrowing in line) |
Step 4
Practice all of the above while waiting in line.
(If you make a mistake, don't panic, just go to the back of the
line and start over) |
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JIM'S STEAKS
The First Annual Philly Cheesesteak Tour kicked off under sunny-blue
skies at Jim's on the corner of 4th and South Street in South Philly.
Our group, led to the trough by the event's organizer and Philadelphia
native Andrew Shapiro, was comprised of both dedicated connoisseurs
and students of the cheesesteak. Shapiro (pronounced sha-PIE-row),
a lifelong cheesesteak enthusiast, organized the event to appreciate
the simple beauty of the City of Brotherly Love's greatest contribution
to the Menu of the Americas. When asked what motivated him to organize
the day's event, Shapiro replied simply, "I want to spread
the love of the cheesesteak. I am the ambassador of cheesesteak
love."
Jim's Steaks clearly benefits from its prime South Street location. When
we arrived at the peak of lunch hour, a line snaked out onto the
sidewalk and around the corner. Clearly we weren't the only ones
with cheesesteaks on our minds. Andrew helped navigate our hungry
stomachs through the tightly-packed line and preped the cheesesteak
initiates on the protocol of ordering without riling the impatience
of the counter help. As we neared the steamed glass behind which
simmered mounds of beef and onions, we split into ordering-pairs.
(Over the course of our day's journey we would visit four steak
establishments. As a matter of survival we decided that it would
be best if we didn't try to eat an entire cheesesteak at each location.
Instead, we decided to split cheesesteaks so that by the end of
the day we only ate two steaks each.) |
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Some members of the group ordered their cheesesteaks with provolone, some ordered
theirs with Cheez Whiz. Some ordered theirs with peppers. Some ordered
the Pizza Steak (Cheez Whiz with pizza sauce). Everybody ordered
theirs with onions. The assembly line of workers behind the counter
kept the cheesesteaks coming, and before long we were carrying our
trays upstairs to Jim's "dining" area. The walls of Jim's
are decorated with autographs and testimonies from a wide range
of sports stars and entertainers, a clear indication that Jim's
was a popular establishment with locals and out-of-towners alike. |
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The general consensus of the experienced cheesesteak eaters in the group
was that the meat was a little dry. On the other hand, those who
were new to cheesesteak, those who ordered theirs with Cheez Whiz,
and those who ordered the Pizza Steak were more pleased with their
orders. All in all, no one seemed to be disappointed, and everyone
cleaned their plate.
It was time for the second destination. |
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ROCKY'S |
The second destination on the tour was Rocky's. The West Philly
location is clearly out of the tourists' and shoppers' circuit, however
this might be a plus in the eyes of most. The lack of brightly colored
plastic and neon signs contributed to the sense that Rocky's is an
authentic neighborhood joint, one that can exist solely on word of
mouth and the dedication of the neighborhood cheesesteak addicts.
If you think that, for example, Cadillac-fin-adorned Fifties-themed
restaurants exemplify "good" atmosphere, then Rocky's might
not be your kind of place. |
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Rocky's was a welcome contrast from the chaos and crowds at Jim's. Instead
of the testimonies of the rich and famous, Rocky's simply featured
a wall of yellowed news clippings and dog-eared photographs of Rocky
Marciano and Jake La Motta and movie stills from Sylvester Stallone's
Reagan-era Cold War kitsch classic Rocky IV. Also, in contrast
to Jim's, the service at Rocky's was friendly and the cheesesteaks
were cooked to order. As a result, the steaks were juicy, without
being too greasy, and generally satisfying with their "peppery"
flavor. Those who might be pinching pennies in this sour economy should
also take note that Rocky's cheesesteaks are cheaper and bigger
than Jim's a claim that you might have expected to see scrawled
on the bathroom wall... if there was one! Having chosen by necessity
to eat standing in front of Rocky's, we enjoyed a wonderful opportunity
to perfect our "cheesesteak lean" technique. (Any experienced
cheesesteak eater will be impressed to know that none of the participants
had stained their shirts by the end of the day.) |
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On our way to PAT'S . . .
After Rocky's the group decided to take a walk through the Italian market.
We walked up and down the street and tried to work off the first two
installments of the tour. We speculated aloud on how we would be feeling
by the end of the day. We rubbed our bellies. We swore not to let
the cheesesteaks get the best of us. Some of us recharged with cups
of coffee. Some bought accouterments for their espresso machines and
some bought mops. Some took a moment to marvel at the gutted pigs
and lambs hanging in the storefront windows. |
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PAT'S "King of Steaks" |
The next-to-last destination point was Pat's "King of Steaks."
Pat's is situated up the street from its most obvious and
immediate competitor Geno's. Of the two, Pat's retains the modesty
and worn grace of an old favorite, an architectural relic of an
era long gone. As an indication of the allure of Pat's charm, a
young artist stood with paintbrush and palette painting
a muted rendition of Pat's corner, having obviously made a clear
decision from purely an aesthetic point of view which of the two
buildings merited his time and interest.
Again we found ourselves amidst the crowds of the cheesesteak seekers,
and again we found ourselves quickly moving through line. By this
time we had all become quite accomplished at ordering our cheesesteaks;
however, we discovered that Pat's will not cut their hoagies in
half. When Jake asked if they could cut his, the man behind the
window replied, "Stick it in a blender!"
The reviews of Pat's steaks were mixed; none were extreme in either
direction. Some thought that Pat's beef was fattier and less tasty
than Jim's and Rocky's, but others disagreed. On the best of days
Pat's probably deserves it's reputation as "King of Steaks"
it should be added, however, that kings don't always treat
their subjects with excellency. |
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Across the street from PAT'S:
GENO'S
Geno's Steaks marks a striking contrast to the modesty of Pat's old-timey exterior.
Brightly colored signs make the bold assertion that Geno's steaks
are The Best. If you are the type who dislikes a braggart, I recommend
ignoring the glitz and tacky glamour. Instead, as you approach the
building, shade your eyes and make your way as quickly as you can
to the window and order your cheesesteak. You might find yourself
surprised that Geno's steaks just might live up to the brash
claims. |
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What distinguished Geno's from Jim's, Rocky's, and Pat's seemed to all
to be the quality of the beef. Unlike the other three places, which
served their steaks with chopped beef, Geno's serves their steaks
with thin slices of beef that were cooked to everyone's liking.
It could be that the sliced beef retains its taste and juice better
than chopped beef. Whatever explanation, the consensus was that
Geno's was the winner of the tour. |
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The group
lingered at the table, enjoying the breeze and marveling at our
feat. It was at this point in the day that Jake suggested that, no matter where you were eating, the essential ingredient
in any cheesesteak was Cheez Whiz. His proposition met no dissent. The next proposition that met no dissent was the proposition of
getting beers at Dirty Franks. |
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Recovering at
DIRTY FRANK'S
We concluded our day with pints of Yuengling at Dirty Franks, one of
Philadelphia's most notorious hipster dive bars. There, when we weren't
transfixed by the amateur art, we recapped the days events and swore
to go to the gym the very next day. |
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For information and suggestions
regarding the 2004 Philly Cheesesteak Tour please contact Andrew
Shapiro. |
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