Checked Out OK (The Animal Edition)
An animal-themed selection of honest-to-god true police reports about errant animals and beastly people culled from "Checked Out OK," Corwin Ericson's collection of police reports. These reports all appeared originally in The Amherst Bulletin, Amherst Massachusetts' town newspaper.
"Checked Out OK" has appeared in Jubilat, a literary magazine, Poetry Daily and the February 2002 issue of Harper’s Magazine. It was even read over the air on WFMU!
8:07 p.m. ~ A person walking a dog near the DB Mart
on Triangle Street checked out OK.
11:19 p.m. ~ A resident at The Brook told police that her dog was acting strangely.
Police said the dog appeared to be fine.
12:20 p.m. ~ A man digging up dirt and crawling on the ground near the intersection
of North Pleasant and Pine Streets checked out OK, police said.
2:53 p.m. ~ A cow loose in the middle of Meadow Street was put back in its
pen. Four hours later, the cow, which had been tranquilized by it’s owner,
got loose again and was wandering on North Pleasant street.
4:21 p.m. ~ A Hickory Lane man missing from his home had gone for a walk and
was later found.
12:02 p.m. ~ Police told the owner of two emus that they were seen running
loose on Station Road.
4:24 p.m. ~ College-age men, wearing only underwear and running around Nutting
Avenue were gone when police got there.
10:53 a.m. ~ A man licking the pavement on Main Street in front of Subway
was gone when police got there.
8:41 a.m. ~ A squirrel that was acting oddly on North East Street was gone
when police got there.
9:15 p.m. ~ A golden retriever by the side of Montague Road was just taking
a nap and had not been hit by a vehicle.
12:14 a.m. ~ A man lying on the grass outside Mill Valley Estates was just
asleep.
5:01 p.m. ~ A man crawling on his belly at the intersection Meadow and North
Pleasant Streets was gone when police got there.
10:34 a.m. ~ A Montague Road woman told police that she encountered a suspicious
man skiing who asked her strange questions about her dog.
4:03 p.m. ~ Police found a dog locked inside a vehicle parked at the Valley
Medical Group. The owner was also in the vehicle and the air conditioning
was on.
5:50 p.m. ~ Police received a report that someone let loose a pet snake to
swim in Puffer's Pond. Police determined that the snake was living in the
wild and it left when police got there.
6:41 p.m. ~ Caller reported a black and white billygoat under the bridge near
the paper mill. Officer recognized the goat as one that wanders around the
area regularly and decided to leave it alone.
5:19 ~ A caller from Vernon Street complained of a neighbor honking a car
horn repeatedly. Caller indicated it is an ongoing problem. Officer sent.
Located the responsible party and advised them of the complaint. The person
informed police they have a deaf cat, and the vibrations from the horn let
the cat know they are there. Officer advised her that the neighbors might
take court action if the disturbance continues. Peace restored.
Aug. 13, 3 p.m. ~ Police received a report that a person, possibly dead or
just in need of medical assistance, was lying in the backyard of a vacant
Schoolhouse Road home. The man, who said he was just practicing his singing,
agreed to leave the area.
3:28 p.m. ~ A Belchertown Road resident was advised to talk to her roommates
after she said someone entered her apartment and ate bananas.
Aug. 29, 7:10 p.m. ~ A chocolate Labrador retriever broke through the screen
door of a Lakeview Road home and ate cat food police said.
A Long Plain Road home was entered sometime during the day on Nov. 26 and
a slice of pumpkin pie was missing. The residents reported the incident at
7 p.m.
9:33 a.m. ~ A man licking the locks on doorways of apartments on North Pleasant
Street was gone when police got there.
1:19 p.m. ~ An East Hadley Road resident told police that a man woke up from
a nap in her bushes, urinated on her front lawn and then boarded a PVTA bus.
1:53 p.m. ~ A Stanley Street resident told police that a prowler might be
in her basement after the back door was pushed in. Police said no one was
found but that a large possum may be responsible.
1:04 a.m. ~ Polie resonded to a reported fight in front of Antonio’s.
Police determined that the combatants were actually just two people dancing.
A squirrel acting strangely and chasing a cat in a Boyden Road backyard was
reported to police May 1 at 7:30 p.m.
1:44 p.m. ~ Six adults whom an observer said were on the ground and making
moaning sounds at Townhouse Apartments checked out OK.
8:51 a.m. ~ A woman crawling on Northampton Road was gone when police got
there.
5:57 a.m. ~ A beastly-looking dog walking on Triangle Street was gone when
police got there.
11:38 a.m. ~ A loose dog running in traffic on Main Street in front of the
police station was gone when police got there.
5:05 p.m. ~ Police checked on a pedestrian walking in the middle of Pelham
Road. The person said he was just crossing the street and was not causing
problems.
2:02 p.m. ~ Four ducks attempting to cross East Pleasant Street and causing
a road hazard where gone when police got there.
8:46 A man crawling across North Pleasant Street near the University Motor
Lodge made it safely to the parking lot before police got there.
9:35 ~ Police received a report of a cat that was attempting to cross traffic
on North Pleasant Street. The cat was gone when police arrived.
1:32 a.m. ~ A verbal warning was issued by police to North East Street residents
playing a loud stereo. When police returned, they issued a second warning
and found the residents chasing a frog around their apartment.
Police received a report that a Rottweiler was carrying a small child in its
mouth on Buffam Road Nov 1 at 7:15 a.m. Police determined that the object
was actually a stuffed scarecrow.
2:10 p.m. ~ A large dog holding a bone in its mouth as it walked on Montague
Road was gone when police got there.
8:19 p.m. ~ Police found two people outside Southpoint Apartments carrying
a suspicious cigarette.
Copyright © 2009 Corwin Ericson